HOW DO YOU TURN SOMETHING OVER?

During my work with sponsees, they've asked me many times,

"How do you turn something over?  I can't seem to let it go!"

I struggle with an answer because when you're new or using, it's easier said than done.  Unfortunately, when we hear the slogan, "Let go and Let God" in the 12 step rooms, it doesn't come with directions.

As I've thought about this question, I realized that there is a progression in recovery.  Just as in the 12 steps, which are meant to be done in order, our recovery is the same way.

When I'm in my disease, I'd like a quick answer and I want it NOW; I have no patience.  I can't sit still long enough to allow my thinking to go very deep.  The part of my brain that is working (remember it's fogged by my addictive substances) takes the easiest, fastest route to an answer.  I can only see things through my perspective - which, as far as my disease is concerned, is the only way.  To consider anything else is out of the question - my disease won't let me.  In fact, I can't hear what the other person is saying. 

The first part of the progression to recovery is abstinence.  I had to get out of the food fog and get clarity.  I did this with help from my sponsor and program friends.  Because they struggled like myself, I was able to be honest about my food for the first time in my life.  I had to start telling my secrets.  I had to tell exactly what I was doing with the food; how much I was eating, when I was eating, what I was eating and where I was eating it.  Once I did this, I could see patterns in my eating behaviors.  These patterns helped to give me a place to start making changes.  For me, these changes happened all at once.  For others, it can be like climbing a mountain; one step at a time.  (My suggestion would be to pick one thing that seems reasonable and do it.  But do it.  Then move on to the next.)  Slowly, you"ll reach your goal - the top of the mountain - complete abstinence.

With clarity came the ability to do the steps.  I finally had hope for the first time in my life.  I found a Higher Power I could live with and invited him into my life.  Then I practiced trusting him.  This took time.  (I also worked on trusting people in program.)  Eventually I gained courage to look at my past.  I acquired integrity when I gave the work I did to my sponsor and God.  Learning about willingness and humility helped me to get past my fear and helped to open myself up to intimacy.

I also learned about forgiveness.  I found I had to forgive before I could make amends.  Once I did, I could love the people I thought I never would.  I had to forgive before I could ask for forgiveness.

My daily inventory is about perseverance; the need to do it on a daily basis.  If I look at my day, each day, and face what went on with my behavior, I can let go the hindrances to my growth and recovery.  They can't hang on as resentments.

It's also about rigorously practicing daily prayer and meditation to work my spiritual program.  If I don't, I'll lose a very important part of my program.

"We are not cured of food addiction [alcoholism].  What we really have is a daily

reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

A.A. Big Book, 3rd Edition, page 85

Then there's service.  It's all about helping others.  Whatever I can do to help the still suffering is how we can make sure the 12 Step program is around for future generations.

Recovery is 3-fold; physical, emotional and spiritual.  Each aspect has to be worked over and over; the work is never ending.  For me, the physical goes hand in hand with the spiritual.  I need both of these to be able to do the emotional.  The physical also helps to give me the clarity to be able to see what it is I really need when asking my Higher Power for help.

The spiritual gives me courage, faith, humility, willingness and perseverance to do the emotional and the physical; it's how I can turn my problems over to my Higher Power.  By working all legs of the recovery stool; physical, emotional and spiritual, I'm doing daily disciplines, which in turn, are building recovery habits. These habits become ingrained as I continue to do them on a daily basis.  I do it by instinct.  So when I have a problem, without thinking about it, I go to my Higher Power for help.

All of this took me many years to learn.  Don't give up hope.  Stay abstinent, work your steps, keep going to meetings, do your daily disciplines and keep asking your Higher Power for help.  It works, it really does!

Please join me again on this incredible exciting journey!  YOU TOO CAN HAVE RECOVERY!

Norinne M.