HOW DO YOU TURN SOMETHING OVER?

During my work with sponsees, they've asked me many times,

"How do you turn something over?  I can't seem to let it go!"

I struggle with an answer because when you're new or using, it's easier said than done.  Unfortunately, when we hear the slogan, "Let go and Let God" in the 12 step rooms, it doesn't come with directions.

As I've thought about this question, I realized that there is a progression in recovery.  Just as in the 12 steps, which are meant to be done in order, our recovery is the same way.

When I'm in my disease, I'd like a quick answer and I want it NOW; I have no patience.  I can't sit still long enough to allow my thinking to go very deep.  The part of my brain that is working (remember it's fogged by my addictive substances) takes the easiest, fastest route to an answer.  I can only see things through my perspective - which, as far as my disease is concerned, is the only way.  To consider anything else is out of the question - my disease won't let me.  In fact, I can't hear what the other person is saying. 

The first part of the progression to recovery is abstinence.  I had to get out of the food fog and get clarity.  I did this with help from my sponsor and program friends.  Because they struggled like myself, I was able to be honest about my food for the first time in my life.  I had to start telling my secrets.  I had to tell exactly what I was doing with the food; how much I was eating, when I was eating, what I was eating and where I was eating it.  Once I did this, I could see patterns in my eating behaviors.  These patterns helped to give me a place to start making changes.  For me, these changes happened all at once.  For others, it can be like climbing a mountain; one step at a time.  (My suggestion would be to pick one thing that seems reasonable and do it.  But do it.  Then move on to the next.)  Slowly, you"ll reach your goal - the top of the mountain - complete abstinence.

With clarity came the ability to do the steps.  I finally had hope for the first time in my life.  I found a Higher Power I could live with and invited him into my life.  Then I practiced trusting him.  This took time.  (I also worked on trusting people in program.)  Eventually I gained courage to look at my past.  I acquired integrity when I gave the work I did to my sponsor and God.  Learning about willingness and humility helped me to get past my fear and helped to open myself up to intimacy.

I also learned about forgiveness.  I found I had to forgive before I could make amends.  Once I did, I could love the people I thought I never would.  I had to forgive before I could ask for forgiveness.

My daily inventory is about perseverance; the need to do it on a daily basis.  If I look at my day, each day, and face what went on with my behavior, I can let go the hindrances to my growth and recovery.  They can't hang on as resentments.

It's also about rigorously practicing daily prayer and meditation to work my spiritual program.  If I don't, I'll lose a very important part of my program.

"We are not cured of food addiction [alcoholism].  What we really have is a daily

reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

A.A. Big Book, 3rd Edition, page 85

Then there's service.  It's all about helping others.  Whatever I can do to help the still suffering is how we can make sure the 12 Step program is around for future generations.

Recovery is 3-fold; physical, emotional and spiritual.  Each aspect has to be worked over and over; the work is never ending.  For me, the physical goes hand in hand with the spiritual.  I need both of these to be able to do the emotional.  The physical also helps to give me the clarity to be able to see what it is I really need when asking my Higher Power for help.

The spiritual gives me courage, faith, humility, willingness and perseverance to do the emotional and the physical; it's how I can turn my problems over to my Higher Power.  By working all legs of the recovery stool; physical, emotional and spiritual, I'm doing daily disciplines, which in turn, are building recovery habits. These habits become ingrained as I continue to do them on a daily basis.  I do it by instinct.  So when I have a problem, without thinking about it, I go to my Higher Power for help.

All of this took me many years to learn.  Don't give up hope.  Stay abstinent, work your steps, keep going to meetings, do your daily disciplines and keep asking your Higher Power for help.  It works, it really does!

Please join me again on this incredible exciting journey!  YOU TOO CAN HAVE RECOVERY!

Norinne M. 

 

SURRENDER - One Day At A Time

While attending a 12  step meeting one Saturday, someone shared a specific story about their struggle with food and I'd like to share it with you.  In order to make telling the story easier, I'll use the name Cathy.

Cathy really wanted ice cream.  Unfortunately, it wasn't something she could have.  Even though she knew this, Cathy still planned on having some.  Before leaving her home, she said a prayer, "God, if you don't want me to have this, you're going to have to do something about it."  She then picked up her keys, got in the car and left.

As she continued to tell her story, Cathy mentioned how the traffic was horrible and when she arrived at the ice cream store, it was closed.  On the door, there was a sign saying, "Sorry, no power - closed."  (She noticed the traffic was horrible but didn't realize the cause was from there not being any traffic lights until after she saw the sign on the door!)  Afterward, she acknowledged her Higher Power did answer her prayer - she ended up not having the ice cream!

This story had a big impact on me.  I thought about my own struggles with food, and in doing so, in my own mind, was able to come up with several recent examples.  A current one was when I'm in the grocery store; several departments call out to me to go visit.  I may not buy anything, but I'm always "perusing."

Another example is the evening hours between dinner and bed time. I'm fine until my husband eats something.  It's the smell or sound that has always gotten to me.

I realized I still was having a problem with food.  I was abstinent; I was writing my food down; I was calling it in to my sponsor; but I didn't have any peace.

These thoughts went tumbling through my mind after I heard the story.  I realized I was still hanging on to some control around my food.  I hadn't completely given it up.  I'd asked God for help many times, but I hadn't given the food completely to God.  Giving my food to my sponsor wasn't enough.

So on the way home from the meeting, sitting in the passenger seat (I was fortunate enough to ride with someone), I physically lifted my hands in the air, saying out loud (and visualizing it), "God, I give you my food.  I don't want it anymore.  You take it." 

Immediately afterward, I felt a huge relief - almost like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I haven't struggled with my food since.  When I go into the grocery store, none of the foods call out to me anymore; nor does my husbands snacking bother me.  If I find some inkling of being uncomfortable around food, I know it's because I've been lax with my spiritual program.

Over the years I've learned not to question the power of this program.  Miracles are happening in the 12 Step rooms; many in my own life.  This program works, if you work it!  All I have to remember is to do it ONE DAY AT A TIME (but do it!)

Please join me again on this incredible exciting journey!  YOU TOO CAN HAVE RECOVERY!

Norinne M. 

ASKING PUTS ME IN A HUMBLE POSITION, IF I AM HUMBLE, I AM TEACHABLE

One of the definitions for humility in the 12 Step program is "to be teachable."  In the beginning, I thought I was teachable.  I came in thinking, "Just show me what to do, I'll do it (and then I'll be able to leave)."  I had it in my mind I would be shown what diet would work for me because it was working for everyone else.  At the time, I wasn't aware my whole life would be changing!

The first bump in the road was when I had to admit I had a problem with food, not my weight.  This was a biggie for me.  I didn't want to admit this because there would have to be an admission on my part that there was something wrong with me.  I didn't want any part of this.  Instead, I wanted it to be all about the weight.

The next problem I became aware of was when it was suggested I get a sponsor.  With my not having one, I could do whatever I wanted with the food I was eating.  It was my intent to be able to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and not be accountable to anyone. In truth, it was still about a diet for me.  I didn't want anyone messing with my food.  All I wanted was to lose weight.  If I had a sponsor, I couldn't get away with it anymore.

Once I got a sponsor, which I did after six months, she wanted me to start calling her on a regular basis and at a specific time.  I balked.  I intentionally called her four minutes later than the designated time.  I told myself I didn't want to seem too eager.  In reality, I was testing her.  Those four minutes late got me in trouble.  When she spoke to me about it, my thoughts were:

"What is wrong with this person?" and
"I don't need this crap!"

I decided I didn't want this kind of (my perception) unyielding, inflexible sponsor, so decided to drop her and look for another.  At the time, I don't know if my motives were clear to me.  I said I was looking for my next sponsor but ultimately decided not to work with anyone.  (I was looking for an easier, softer way and it lasted for three months.)  What I told myself was "I don't need a sponsor."

Unfortunately, my disease took over.  I ate everything I wanted, blamed whatever went wrong on everyone else and ultimately gained more weight.  While I continued to go to meetings, I was miserable.

Eventually, it was the weight gain that made the decision for me.  I went back to the same person and asked her to sponsor me again.  I was willing to call  whenever she told me, on time, and do whatever she asked me to do.

Over the years, I've found this to be true with all of my sponsors.  If I sit in judgment, questioning or balking everything they ask or suggest, I don't learn anything.  On the other hand, if I open myself up to the gift of my Higher Power through their words, the things I seek; peace, joy, serenity, love, laughter, and friendship are all available to me.

Therefore, the secret is not to sit in judgment of the people I ask to be my sponsor.  On the contrary, it's to do as they ask because their words are my Higher Power in action.

"...but for me they had to make it tough; if they hadn't I don't think I ever would have stuck it out.

Once again, there was the challenge of a tough job, but this time I was determined to follow through."

A.A. Big Book, 3rd Ed. pg 248

As a child, I always hated being told what to do.  On the other hand, as I balked, it made me want to prove my self-worth.  My Higher Power knew what he was doing when he introduced me to my first sponsor.  When I first met her, she was in a wheel chair.  When asked, she said it was her God (Higher Power) that got her through everything.  She was the first miracle I saw in program.

Back then, she was part of a group we called "the Big Book thumpers."  I have a huge appreciation for that group and the affect it's had on me over the years.  The experience gave me a great respect for the A.A. Big Book and helped me to become the sponsor I am today.

Please join me again on this incredibly exciting journey.  YOU TOO CAN HAVE RECOVERY!

Norinne M.