A Special Letter

Yesterday I received a God Letter.  I wrote it some months prior, while attending a Spiritual workshop.  If you don't know what a God Letter is, I'll explain.

The exercise started with writing a letter to God.  We were given a fancy sheet of stationary and told we could write whatever we wanted in the letter.  (I think we had about 20 - 30 minutes to do it.)  Some of the participants stayed in the room, some went outside, some went to a secluded spot within the building.  I went to a quiet corner.  (When we were done, the facilitator took the letters and told us she would be mailing them to us in the future, but randomly.)

I was really surprised when the letter came.  I wanted to savor the feelings when I read it, so decided to put it off for a couple of days.  But I wanted to make sure I saw it - I wanted it in my consciousness.  I likened it to looking at a wrapped present from God and wondering what was in that present each time I glanced at it.  So I stuck it in my daily journal; every time I wrote down my food in the morning and referred to it during the day, I would see it.  (I do this quite often.  When I get a package in the mail, I frequently do the same thing!)   Ultimately, when I read it, I was amazed because I didn't remember writing any of it.  The other surprising thing is it fit with what was going on in my life right then.

This isn't the first time I've done a God Letter.  Yet, each time I receive one, I am astonished.  For me the letter is an expression of, and a way to denote, the power of the 12 Step programs and Gods love. I never would have dreamed I could have been open to writing this kind of letter. 

I came into program mad at God.  I didn't want anything to do with a spiritual program, let alone God.  When I heard people talking about God, I immediately thought, "Oh no, not one of those programs."  I walked out and didn't plan on returning.  It was hearing other people talking about the crazy things I was doing with food that helped me to return.

The God Letter symbolizes some of the emotional and spiritual recovery I've received from working the steps.  I can see how far I have come when I recognize the gratitude I feel while reading it.  I see the growth in the depth of my feelings I felt.  As I read it, tears were running down my cheeks.  This was never an option I allowed myself in my past.  I tried as hard as I could to stuff my feelings with food.  I always felt I would die if they went on too long.  Today I have something greater than myself, who I can turn to with all of my problems.  In my past, I felt so alone.  I had a big black hole inside of me that was all consuming.  Today I have God inside of me and I feel love.  I don't feel alone anymore.  I feel whole.

I'd like to share a couple of quotes from my God Letter.  It said, "joy will come" and "come together."  I'm going to apply these phrases to this blog.  We can share with each other and "joy will come."  We can also "come together" using the blog and strengthen our friendships or gain new ones.

I hope that you will continue to join me on this incredibly exciting journey!  YOU TOO CAN HAVE RECOVERY!

Norinne M.