NOW WHAT DO I DO?

"No one slips a mile at a time.  What happens is we slip an inch at a time and 
fail to pay attention."

Earnie Larsen

How often have you said to yourself, "This time it's going to be different."  So you make some changes, take action, and things are different - for awhile.  But ultimately, you fall back into the old patterns.

If it gets bad enough, you're eating again.  You've gained all of the weight back...plus more.  You can't bend to tie your shoes and your knees are in such bad shape, there is pain whenever you try to use them.  You're huffing and puffing when having to walk any kind of distance, none of your clothes fit because of the weight gain and you can't get past the isles in the grocery store (where your binge foods are) without stocking up.  Oh, let us not forget those late night binge runs.

Then there's your physical health.  How about your cholesterol?  Is it high?  (Don't forget the scale).  Are you at the point where you don't want to go to the doctors anymore...you know what he's going to say - lose weight; you'll feel better and live longer.

Ya-da, Ya-da, Ya-da.

So how did you get to this point?  There have been signs along the way.  Have you been aware of them?  I know I have.  I chose not to look, telling myself I didn't care...or I'd do something about it tomorrow...or I'm too busy now...or I can't, my family needs (fill in the blank).

What are some signs of trouble?

•  Dis-ease inside - feeling like something is going on inside, but you don't know what (no feelings)
• You're unable to let go
• Complaining about others
• Avoidance of places, people or activities
• Not taking phone calls when home
• Not returning phone calls
• Not attending meetings
• Not calling your sponsor - especially when a specific time has been established
• Skipping meals
• Changing meals without discussing it with someone - generally your sponsor
• Binging/purging/restricting
• Cessation of daily disciplines for any reason (or doing them by the "hit and miss" method)
• Becoming active in other addictive behaviors (i.e.- shopping, gambling, drinking, sex, smoking, etc.)
• Depression (starting or returning)
• Not taking action (when action is needed)

"They said though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before
some trivial reason for having a drink."

AA Big Book, pg 42

So what can I do?

Get back to basics - go back to doing the things that worked for you in the past - the actions program had us doing when we first started.  For me, it was:

1. If you don't have a sponsor, get one (or start using the one you have).
2. Go to (at least) 3 physical meetings a week - more is better.  (You could do 90 meetings/90 days).
3. Make 3 phone calls a day - an answering machine doesn't count.
4. Write down and commit food to my sponsor daily.
5. Read program literature everyday - I read the AA Big Book and the AA 12&12.  I also have questions each day pertaining to the reading.
6. WORK THE STEPS (over and over again - they're not meant to be done just once)
7. Pray and meditate
8. Service work (a must)
9. Daily disciplines (other than above)
10. 10-Step (daily)

10-Step

In the Big Book, Step Ten tells me I need to pay attention to my day, the whole day, to see if there is anything disturbing me.  IF THERE IS, I need to address it right then and there.  I can't let it sit and fester in my mind.

"...we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along...Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.  When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.  We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.  Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help."

AA Big Book, pg 84

The 10-step is a tool that helps me with the "inches."  I can use it on a daily basis to help me stay balanced.  I need this in order for me to feel OK.  Being balanced pertains to my insides along with my outsides; I have to feel comfortable with myself - not at war with myself.  If I don't feel OK, it's fuel for my addiction.  (Then there is garbage living in my head.)

If I take my program seriously, partake in all of the above actions DAILY, stay in contact with my HIGHER POWER, then, and only then, do I have the opportunity to recover, One Day At A Time from my addiction.  It's important for me to remember that mine (recovery) is a program of ACTION.  The first action being my spiritual connection.  I have to ask my HIGHER POWER for help every day (for me, it's all day.)

I also have to remember that I can't place any person, place or thing BEFORE my program/
recovery.

"...we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God...Burn the ideas into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone.  The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."

AA Big Book, pg 98

Please join me again on this incredibly exciting journey!  YOU TOO CAN HAVE RECOVERY!

Norinne M.